How important is it to you to prove your point? I know for me I want my spouse to know exactly what he did was wrong and how right I am! Does this sound familiar? What if I told you no one is winning and to keep trying to prove how right you are is costing you, your relationship with your spouse.
Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to be quiet. That doesn’t mean avoiding conflict. It merely means, learning how to communicate and resolve your difference without it turning into a screaming match.
Know this, my beloved brothers:
let every person be quick to hear,
slow to speak, slow to anger;
James 1:19 ESV
Ways to resolve your difference
Communication is essential to any healthy relationship. Learning how to communicate with your partner effectively will help you better understand one another and create a stronger relationship. When you resolve conflicts successfully, you are developing a healthy, mature relationship.
Agree to Disagree. You can not agree on everything; sometimes, it’s best to let it go. If the issue is too crucial for you to let it go, then seek a marriage counselor or invest in some books on marriage to read with your spouse.
Set Boundaries. Respect needs to be maintained — even during an argument. If you are to upset, it is okay to tell your spouse you need to step away and discuss the matter later.
Compromise When Possible. Find a middle ground that allows both you and your spouse to be okay with the outcome. It is not always easy to compromise, but this is a significant part of conflict resolution.
Forgive. Forgiveness is a process, especially when trust has been broken. Allow your spouse time to forgive or be forgiven.
Attitude Check. Approach your spouse lovingly and with respect.
Check Your Motivation. Will the issue bring healing, wholeness, will your words hurt and bring more pain?
Learn to Listen. Ask questions for clarity, motive, and understanding.
Forgiveness
Learning to resolve your difference shows maturity in your relationship, but you also have to be able to forgive your spouse for past offenses. Jesus tells us, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15).
Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, but you do need to move past the offensive, not holding your spouse hostage to it. God tells us, “For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more (Jeremiah 31:34).”
Build Up Not Tear Down
During a heated discussion, it is so easy to name call or throw daggers at one another. I’m learning to bite my tongue, to listen to my husband, and use kind words. “Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. (1Peter 3:8-9).”
Winning At All Cost
Instead of trying so hard to win the argument, turn it around, and fight for your marriage. God designed marriage so man and woman could be a support for one another in a loving, respectful environment.
Guard your marriage by praying together every day with your spouse.
Read books together on marriage such as, “Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, and Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.”
See a marriage counselor; it’s a good idea to have a non-bias perspective.
Spend quality time together; take turns planning a special date night.
Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
Ephesians 6:11-18
As God tells us in Ephesians to put on his armor to protect us from the enemy, the same applies to our marriage. So I leave you with this, pray every day asking God to bless your spouse, yourself, and to help you guard your marriage.
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